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Work was ok. There was the horrible atmosphere in the office again and I was actually getting quite annoyed with my colleague who clearly had some issue (in her head) with me. A couple of time I walked into the office when she was talking and then she shut up fast. Iapos;ve seen that before when sheapos;s bitching. It just fecks me off - why does she have to act like a school kid? Canapos;t think of a single thing Iapos;ve supposedly done, but I know her, it doesnapos;t have to be anything. She was doing the "ooh weapos;re such good chums" thing with another colleague as they talked about their kids. Then in the afternoon - complete mood swing My other colleague tried to tell her about some issue at home and you could see Annoying Colleague was clearly bored out of her brain by then. Suddenly she starts talking to me again, then gets out this stupid bloody orange halloween wig with horns, and blue flashing glasses - her outfit for a party sheapos;s going to. Ooh look at me Arenapos;t I wacky and fun Kerayzee HA HA HA She kept them on for a couple of hours for maximum attention grabbing as people passed the office. One woman said the horns suited her as she was "a bit naughty", which she twisted into this woman coming on to her, purely because she knows sheapos;s a lesbian.

Iapos;m not sure which version of her I prefer

Came home, played a bit of Guitar Hero - did one more song, but the next 3 are all really hard. Think it will take me a while I can safely say one is possible - I have got quite far on it, but the other two Iapos;m sure are actually impossible using the controller - there are long stretches of notes that all overlap each other I go from green to red so fast. But I donapos;t think I can use the guitar controller for hard songs now. Iapos;d have to teach myself all the chords and work out how to play 5 keys with 4 fingers and all that...would set me back loads. Iapos;ll see...I really donapos;t see itapos;s possible though.

Now Iapos;m going to watch Rebecca, (the old bw film) and read. And stuff.

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But at least it means Iapos;m still alive.

Ever get that feeling like...things are happening at you,and not to you?

Well thats me as of late.

This whole SEM thing.

College Apps.

Boys/Men. Or the lack of them.

This friggin sinus infection that has me ready to remove them with a buttter knife using my prescription cough syrup for anesthesia.

Gah.When did things start being so...complicated?I canapos;t think of any particular point.Its anybodyapos;s guess.

Maybe its when Dad started staying out all night.

Or when Grandad died.

Perhaps freshman year.

Bah.

Ive been trying to be resourceful here at home.

Filling out applications.

Writing papers that arent due for a while.

Ive found that..I really donapos;t have much to say...not in the way that college admissions people expect it. Ive started,at least 7 apps.But then I get to the essay part and spazz.

I have no clue what they want from me.

I have so many personalities.

So many ideas,hopes and dreams.

How can I honestly and convincingly put them in a little box using 500 words or less?

I refuse to not get into my top colleges just because I canapos;t write an essay or two.

Im an excellent writer

So,what happens now?

Where am I going to?

Perhaps I shouldnapos;t ask anymore......

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Name of the game?
Corniest saying?
Twitching ears?

I have a sunburn.
Iapos;m freaking terrified of cancer.
Iapos;m a complete retard.
But read the current medical research articles and tell me itapos;s not a push for insanity.
The thought of having a dark mass growing in my body
Un-noticed
Expanding
Whispers of something sinister.

It scares me more than most things.
And I scare easy.

Fuck.
Itapos;s times like this, and dozens occur a day
When I wish I could believe in a religion.
It may be a form of escapism
But at least thereapos;s something to escape to.


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This morning I pondered the value of photography. I particularly pondered it in reference to Link. He has been spending hours per day immersed in video games. I believe that video games are an enjoyable and potentially valuable pastime, but anything taken to excess can be bad. Iapos;ve started placing time limits on Linkapos;s video game playing. This has left him at loose ends. I wanted to help him find something else he could enjoy. Then I remembered that he has enjoyed taking pictures and video. I realized that photography has the potential to be a very beneficial to Link. He has a marvelous eye for patterns, but sometimes struggles with fine motor coordination. He likes to participate by watching rather than being in the middle. I realized that if I hand him a camera, he suddenly has a way to participate in social events without feeling conspicuous and without having to do much conversing. No one expects the cameraman to be chatty and yet heapos;s obviously part of the event. Additionally, I have enough interest in photography myself that it can become an activity that Iapos;ll do with him and weapos;ll both enjoy.

In Utah there is a yearly contest called Reflections. All the school kids are encouraged to create works of art on a given theme. The art can be drawing, photography, sculpture, dance, film, photography, anything artsy really. This year the theme is "Wow." Today I spent some time with Link taking pictures of stuff that he thinks is cool. Howard and I bought a new camera a few weeks ago and it has really helped. We were able to capture pictures of individual drops of water as they fell from the faucet. Link got a very close-up shot of a fly that was smashed in the door frame. He also managed to catch the exact moment when Patch fell on his face while climbing the slide. After that Link took a fantastic close-up shot of me holding Patch. Link definitely has an eye for this. All the "wow" shots went into a particular folder on my computer. Weapos;ll take a few more in the next couple of days, then Iapos;ll print them in high resolution and let Link put together a collage.

In an effort to help us figure out how to take more cool pictures, I checked out some kidsapos; books on photography from the library. Hopefully theyapos;ll give us some fun ideas to try. Weapos;ll probably also spend some time playing with pictures in photoshop. I bet Link will like playing with filters.

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I havenapos;t updated in a very long time.
be it because i just cant be bothered,
or if i just havent wanted to talk about whats been going on,
To cut a long story short im at uni now. Got my loan, got a new job, in paperchase and got a new life, sort of.
obviously all the friends are still in the picture, and the boyfriend. My life is just a little different. Its strange how your life can change so quickly.
ive been at uni for two weeks now, admittedly, im not particularly enjoying it, but i didnt expect too, so im not too phased. The only part that bugs me is the social side, i dont particularly feel as if im fitting in as well as i should. But i think thats due to the fact that alot of people are very loud and outspoken, and very comfortable very easily, and im� not. And also, ive still got the comfort of my own home, alot of people havent, so i havent particularly been shoved into the real world of fending for myself, ive still got my home, my bed, my family.

i just want my degree.

sigh.

again, i start and cant be arsed to carry on.

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by Incubus

To see you when I wake up
is a gift I didnapos;t think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
is a three-fold, utopian dream.
You do something to me that I canapos;t explain.
So would I be out of line if I said,
I miss you.
I see your picture, I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days, but already Iapos;m wasting away.
I know Iapos;ll see you again
whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care
and I miss you.


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This year I am doing the unthinkable...I am decorating my apartment for Christmas� Well actually Iapos;m just putting up a Christmas tree my father gave me that already has lights on it.� But considering wherever I live usually looks about as Christmasy as a Jewish resort, thatapos;s huge.

One year when I was about 5 or 6 I was watching my mother put up our Nativity set.� As she put the pieces in place she told me the whole Christmas story and who the different people were in the scene.� When she was done, she asked me which part I liked best about the story.� I chimed in "I liked the part with the pig in it."� It must not have been a very kosher manger.

If I were ever to have a Nativity set, it would have to match my decor.� Instead of the 3 Wise Men it would have to be the 4 Beatles.� With that crowd Iapos;m sure it would be very different presents than gold, frankinsense and myrrh.�

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